Tuesday, January 27, 2009 by innovative_edge

I miss playing music. I want to confess right now that I haven't been playing guitar at all since the beginning of this past summer. I mean, I've picked it up a few times, but nothing serious. It's so strange, because something that is so much a part of me as a person has sort of dissipated into some unknown corner of the world and left me alone. A much less emotional person.

I was never the best guitar player or singer by any stretch of the imagination. I was good enough that I could write and perform my own music with a small level of competence. The point was how it felt. Jamming out with friends or screaming sorrow at the top of my lungs felt so good. Especially performing it live in the midst of the situation you are expressing. Genuine emotion. It's deep.

I feel a longing for my heart to just cry out like that. I remember the feeling. It's so pure. Not necessarily in sorrow. Just to pour out all the good and bad. Like the deepest despair or screaming heavenly joys from the top of a mountain.

I'll figure it out. I need to reinvent my musical self. Even listening to music has less feeling for me because I don't create my own. It's sad.

I will change.

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